Married Men Attracted To Single Women – Still Wondering Why?

What is it about me that attracts married men?  I attract them like a juicy steak for a watering mouth.  How am I enticing the magnetism between us…there forbidden desires….their taboo nature?  Is it only sin of the flesh?  Is it something I’m projecting, or can I not take full blame of their choice to commit adultery?

The taboo experience is everything any human is drawn to.  The sheer thought of being so good for so long we feel we owe it to ourselves to be bad.  Thoughts of ripping each other’s clothes off, clasping our bodies so tightly and wondering how all that will be manipulated with the power of a warm and passionate kiss.  In the end though, we are only driven by our own selfish needs of promiscuity.   At least for the one who is married….

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It is hard to admit, but I am not ashamed to take responsibility that I’ve fallen into the trap of practically loving a married man.  Now, before I’m judged, I want to say I didn’t go looking for it.  I’ve always been the type to despise men, in fact, who has or will at any given moment if prompted to betray his wife’s trust.  I certainly wouldn’t want to be in her shoes, let alone be the other woman.  The other woman is never a priority, nor loved (usually) the way he loves his wife, and most likely gets the heartache in the end, because it usually does end when the guilt hits us right between the eyes.

I leave a lot of things up to chance.  We are taught to take chances.  This time though, I let it control my every move.  The husband was everything I was looking for in someone.  Whether it was in a partner, a friend or a coworker – he was one body, one soul, one person who possessed it all.  To me, that is a wonderful thing to go to one particular source instead of many to feel at home and at peace.  I was just glad to get to know him for the person he is, and became flattered yet naïve that someone – anyone can see me for whom I am and what I can become!  I appreciated his compliments as well as his criticism because I knew it wasn’t the least bit to hurt me or to undermine me for the sake of him feeling better.  He did it because he cared where I was going in life.

We started to talk more between every moment we could give to chance and write emails back and forth of nothing but positive experiences.  Almost like he took the place of a best friend I had lost….like a best friend I never had.  Someone I can confide in and be honest with.  But, I guess some things are too good to be true, for either one of us.  Somewhere along the line, between a conversation and a glance, we began emotionally getting more involved with each other.  Something I’ve always wanted to have a connection with a man, and yet having emotions towards another woman is what every married man fears to be an end to their marriage.  I’ve realized emotionally getting involved is meaningful but more damaging than any physical fulfillment.

He’d show up at random places that he knew I’d be at, or drive by where I’d usually take my walks – sometimes stopping to join me.  That’s when I knew!  When I knew he was starting to fall for me by the pure desire of knowing we couldn’t have each other happily ever after.  I knew we were crossing that line, and how I fought it so bad in my head, on paper, out loud and in person!  Who was this girl I was becoming to accept this behavior from a married man?  Who was I to accept mine?  Oh, how hard I tried to pretend I didn’t feel anything in return.  How hard I turned from him.  I wanted to touch him, though.  I wanted to caress his fears away….I wanted to wash away our guilty pleasures and hold him in my arms when he felt lost.  I started to think, “Why should I deny myself of that?  Deny what is real, as it is, right in front of me?”  And so, I simply gave in.  I was tired of battling what my heart was telling me.  It wasn’t my head – I waited for a while to make sure it wasn’t…it was my heart he touched.

A family man.  A grown man.  A wise man.  A well-recognized man.  A lot was at stake for him.  And I was the single woman who pulled at the strings of his heart appearing to have no sense of reality.  But I wasn’t oblivious – I just kept silent.  I may not have been where he’s at yet, but I certainly and respectively tried to understand.  We didn’t physically do much of anything, but I shouldn’t have let it go as far as it did.  The long walks talking about deep seeded aspirations and heartaches.  The holding each other, each one of us taking turns laying on one another’s chest or simply texting flirtatious verbiage.  I had a choice if he was too weak to make a decision, and visa versa.  It continued for about a month, but we both knew it had to stop.  I wasn’t being the person I knew, and neither was he.  For a while, he was the only answer to my desperation for acceptance and love.  And his big heart was determined to love indiscriminately and variably towards me.  But however we felt, all of it superseded our Christian values.

Now that you heard part of my story, it may be understandable how I fell into an inappropriate relationship when I was vulnerable, and for he to pursue what he’d normally wouldn’t but I was innate to him.  It happens….it’s forgiven…and undoubtedly short-lived.  But the question still remains.  What is it about me that attracts married men in the first place?  Before the “getting to know” one another.  This wasn’t the first time, it isn’t the only one, and I’m sure it isn’t the last time.  I know, however, it was my first experience and will be my last with a married man.


  1. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this issue with such elegance and truth. I too am a married man magnet, and don’t go looking for these type of relationships. I realize that REAL love is not based on secrets kept in the dark, but a real, honest and open love that can be shared with not just the two involved but with everyone. I would like to know however what I an doing consciously or subconsciously that sends these men straight to me. Lord show me ME.

  2. I reckon its to do with her aura. She giggles with some sort of innocent shyness. She lights up when he makes eye contact and his heart is receptive to that. They spark each other’s curiosity and She is also physically the type he fantasized about. She became supportive and genuinely looked after his interest, as he does hers. They were honest to an extent. He is married, She is unmarried. They respected certain boundaries unspoken…she tells him stuff she is not suppose to or hasn’t told anyone else, he opens himself to her … There is generally a reassuring trust between them. Then there is the Wife…in this case a high flyer career smart woman, heart of gold, financially responsible and an excellent mother to his boys. A wife loyal to a fault. A wife physically similar to the unmarried friend her husband has become found of. The wife is from a reputable family and wealthy. His wife was and is a friend from day one, not an ex girlfriend, but someone he chose amongst plutonic friends as a trustworthy companion. They have not had issues that remained unresolved, they love their kids and spend time together but when his wife got pregnant and he was posted out station he met this New lady in his life. The New lady became his listening ear, she gladdens his heart… (At this point I blame the guy for being selfish) they tried to stop but never did. He fought it off as infatuation from the start, he even cut her off to see if they were mere urges that would fizzle out but it never happened that way. They have not gotten physical after 4 months, although they’ve held each others hands he’s piggy backed her. They’ve flirted…she speaks of his broad chest…he speaks of her body.he can’t get by without seeing her at the office. She tried to stay away but she just keeps coming back. They don’t want to get physical but emotionally they seem stuck. On the other hand a jealous ex boyfriend is lurking…she hasn’t told her ex about the new married fella at the office…it needs to stop…it has to stop…it’s not fair on his wife and he knows it…less so his little boys and bun in the oven…it’s killing him.

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